What a Life

Medical Funnies

Anaesthetists and most surgeons generally work long hours. At times it is tough going. Stress can be a problem. With seniority, stress disappeared from me. There was no point in carrying such a burden. Confidence dissolved the stress I suffered with it enough during my years as a trainee.
My problem as a consultant was not having any breakfast bar a glass of milk in the morning. Having been caught short a couple of times, led to this habit. Farmers fields and the hard shoulder on the motorway can be wonderful places. There was always some bog roll, water and a hand towel in my car.
Lunch was often missed too. I would often work through lunch to ensure that the list finished on time or earlier. The staff could go home on time. They were always very appreciative and supportive. I did drink plenty of water. No, it was not the one from the car that was used for other purposes. I lived off one meal a day. That was my choice. Yes, I  would often be very hungry by the evening.
Given the awful lifestyle I had created for myself, it took its toll. I don’t recommend it.

Humour and music kept everyone striving onwards and upwards! 

Silence is an ocean,

Speech is a river.

When the ocean is searching for you,

don’t walk into the river.

Listen to the ocean.


You may not be able to read a doctor’s handwriting and prescription, but you’ll notice his bills are neatly typewritten. – 

Earl Wilson

To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anaesthesia.

H.L Mencken

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Mark Twain

Anaesthesia is quite remarkable. It’s lost time. And you wake up kind of refreshed.

Michael Keaton 

My doctor gave me six months to live but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more.


The great secret of doctors, known only to their wives, but still hidden from the public, is that most things get better by themselves; Most things in fact, are better by the morning.

Lewis Thomas

God heals and the doctor takes the fees – 

Benjamin Franklin 

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her look like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.

Joan Rivers 

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”

George Carlin

I’m a big believer in anaesthesia. I think it should be used for every procedure, including routine physicals.

Dave Barry

Always laugh when you can. It is the best medicine.

Lord Byron 

It is the duty of a doctor to prolong life, and it is not his duty to prolong death.


A psychiatrist asks a lot expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Joey Adams 

Politics is the art of anaesthesia.

Mehmet Murat Ildan

Medicines cure diseases, but only doctors can cure patients.

Carl Jung

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Frank Lloyd Wright 

I had rather get a root canal without anaesthesia than to call your customer service office for help.

Jon Jones


We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

Dr Seuss 

“Honestly, Jack your handwriting is terrible”. Jackson held up both hands, “What can I say? I’m a doctor”.

Vic James 

Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.

Napoleon Bonaparte 

Each patient carries his own doctor inside him.

Norman Cousin

Tell your therapist you have an addiction to shitty advice, then ask if you can see more than once a day.

Guy Endore-Kaiser

General anaesthesia is so weird. You go to sleep in one room, then wake up four hours later in a completely different room. Just like in college.

Ross Shafer

Finish last in your league and they call you “idiot”. Finish last in medical school and they call you “doctor”.

Abe Lemons

The best doctor in the world is a veterinarian. He can’t ask his patients what is the matter – he’s got to just know.

Will Rogers

Some patients recover, because they believe in doctors.


There is such a thing as anaesthesia of pain, engendered by pain too exquisite to be borne.

Jack London 

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 

Alan Dundes 

Is there a medical rule that requires doctors’ – office personnel to treat you as though you have the IQ of a Cheeto? 

Dave Barry

More you drink more you want.

Jack London 

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. 

Groucho Marx

You can tell when a patient is feeling better when she starts to wear make up.

Jenn O’Keefe

Y O U R F L Y I S O P E N would be a fun chart for an eye doctor.

Greg Tamblyn 

The art of medicine is in amusing a patient while nature affects the cure.


If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill.


An apple a day, keeps the doctor away. What if the doctor is cute? You will have to do away with the fruit.

Patric Bensen

Why do they call it proctology? Is it because the analogy was already taken?


I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.

Rita Rudner

It’s kinda scary when a doctor asks your price range.

Tom Wilson

The best doctor gives the least medicines.

Benjamin Franklin 

My health insurance is inexpensive, but there are trade-offs. When I Wanted to get a colonoscopy they sent me a chimney sweep. 

Greg Tamblyn 

Fantasy, at its best, is balm for the soul. But is faulty logic to assume that balm is necessarily mind-numbing anaesthesia.

Vera Nazarian

My hair-cutter figured out I whine less if I’m under general anaesthesia. I just hope when I awaken they haven’t given me a Brazilian wax.

Bob Saget 


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